Over the last year my life has had ups and downs, unexpected twist that sometimes were more like whirl winds than a twist. See at this time last year I was laying in a hospital bed clinging for my life. My face was rendered useless, hardly able to utter words, I was unable to even blink, my whole body was numb and my joints felt like they were breaking. I had this sickness that attacked me out of the blue, it was called Guillain-Barré syndrome and it is a disorder in which the body's immune system attacks part of the peripheral nervous system. Guillain-Barré syndrome can affect anybody. The syndrome is rare, however, afflicting only about one person in 100,000. Usually Guillain-Barré occurs a few days or weeks after the patient has had symptoms of a respiratory or gastrointestinal viral infection, my case was because of a sinus infection.
Growing up my father ran out on me before I was born. I grew up poor and in darkness, beaten by a step-father, left alone lots of time fending for myself, when I was about 9 years old, so many parties were going on in my house that I would have to hide food to be able to eat the next day, lots of times going hungry. At 13 I was dealing drugs, and being told I was worthless by yet another step-father. My whole life never hearing anything encouraging always being put down told that I was worthless. After I came to know Jesus all those lies from men in my life turned to how I thought God saw me, and I found myself trying to earn my way into His love. I moved away form home to a house of prayer in Kansas City, where I thought I would just pray all the time and get sent out with this great anointing, when I got there nothing seemed to go as planed never had the money to really plug in at all. No support outside of myself, working all the time trying to make ends meet, and having a hard time doing what I came to do. Time after time I would shoot to make it into the school or a internship and time after time the money did not come in and I would be stuck just working. Not that their is anything wrong with working, the market place is just not where I am called to be. But I would get so mad at God for these things. After a few years of being there someone pays for me to do the first year of FSM, then I get a scholarship and massive donation of about ten thousand dollars so that I can do school and be full time in the house of prayer. Allen Hood even wrote my support letter and sent it out. All seemed to be perfect. The Lord highlighted the issues of seeing Him as a angry God, and delivered me from my own hate against myself, and Him. Then after all of this, thinking that life is going to be smooth sailing from here on out. My ministry was starting to boom. My name was growing as a revivalist in our local community. All seemed to be well and then I get sick and I am stuck with a whole new object to face. Who do I believe Him to truly be?
When I was first hit with the sickness I was full of questions asking God why this was happening, I searching my heart for sin and offenses against God and found none. Not that I didn't have any but He didn't highlight anything He simply said "Jonathan trust me. I am watching after you, and will take away this affliction." David said in Psalm 119:71 "It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees." I was on a path to learn His decrees that He is good and is in love with me and His bride.
After weeks in the hospital I was left without use of my feet, and extreme amounts of pain. Taking more than 50 pills a day, limited to a wheelchair, I went on a journey with God that would change the very lens that I view life through. See pain had become my worst enemy and my sweet companion, leading me on a path to a Man who has walked this road before me. I began to study about this man, Who is He really? Is He really as good as I once thought? Does He really will that all would be healed? Is sickness from the devil or is it from heaven? What does He really think about me? This was the start of story about a Father chasing the heart of a son.
Fighting through what I believed about Him. Having leaders in the body of Christ filling my room praying for me, and nothing happening I had to choose what I really believed. See their is no biblical evidence outside of the context of judgment on sin where God sends a sickness on His bride. I wasn't in sin, so this had to be an attack. (read the story of Job) The Lord allowed it so that I would become stronger in what I believed or that I would stop focusing so much on the vapor of things we call life and start looking at life in light of eternity. After months of this sickness and searching out my Father. I came to the conclusion that no matter what happened healing or not I would declare that He is good. the problems and trails that happens on the earth changes not His goodness. He is unchanging and His leadership is perfect. Never has He lead someone wrong. Hebrews 11 is full on men whom the world was not worthy of. These men lived in caves, ran for their lives, were cut into, skinned alive, stoned, beaten, yet in all of this they said "Lord you are good, and your mercy carries me through." I set in my heart that I would not speak ill against God, for this body is one that is fading, life is over tomorrow, and eternity begins. Those men lived life with a vision for eternity. I knew the Lord was using this sickness and hardship of life to open my eyes to view life like these men did. Seeing the kingdom of God they ran the race. When my heart was set on this, the Lord came to me and healed my body. The room erupts when I was not only stand up but begin running around the building as I am fully healed and really out of shape. :)
Thinking all was well yet again. I begin to loose supporter after supporter, my money just runs out, people stop sowing money into my life, everything began to fall apart once again it seemed, I knew that the testing was not over when this began to happen. My car breaks and is going to cost about a thousand dollars to fix. Once again I seem stuck. Praying to the Lord to take care of me as I do the things He has called me to do, someone shows up and buys me a truck, income tax comes in, seems that I am going to be okay for a while until I can get things back up, then one night I am driving down the road and a deer runs out right in-front of my truck. I smash the deer and my truck, and it takes all of my income tax to fix it. Once again I am stuck and as of now waiting on the breakthrough. I will spare you more horror stories, you should get the point by now that life is just hard sometimes.
Why am I sharing all of these bad experiences?
Am I asking for your money? Not at all. Am I looking for your pity? Not at all. Why then am I sharing this? This is why I am sharing it, it's because God is good, and His mercy endures forever. I know that their is so many out there who are going threw the same things that I am going threw, and I want to encourage them, God is truly good. Don't be down, don't look at what He has not yet done, look at what He can do! He holds the keys to everything in heaven and earth and wants to unlock to us the Kingdom's resources and for us to walk in His blessings, but as of now we are in seasons of testings and trails, not sent by God, but allowed by God. The Lord said "consider my servant Job He won't curse me." Job stood strong threw some of the most horrendous things. Then the Lord made Satan repay everything he had taken. Job was found faithful and was stronger at the end then he was at the beginning. Now just because your being tested doesn't mean one day on this side of eternity you will be a millionaire or life will be simple. It might be I do not know, but I do know in Revelation 21:4 it says "and God will wipe every tear away, their shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things are passed away." On those words I can truly say this life no matter the hardship will be so worth seeing that promise.
The Lord is making us unshakable. Making our spirits tender but as strong as iron. I encourage you look at the city of God have vision of eternity, Paul said "comfort one another with these words, Jesus is coming back." Take your eyes off of what God hasn't done, and put them on what He can do and is going to do. Look your storms in the eyes, and you will find wisdom looking back at you threw those dark clouds. I am looking right into the eyes of the Lion and asking the Lamb to come work, an as He looks back at me, that gaze tells me I am loved and suddenly I know my King has me. For every season of this life that we walk in has trails and test that await us. Some harder than others, some easy, some seem so big that you can't see a way around it, some are so small that you forget its even there, some friends just come and go like the seasons of the life, but the revelation you receive in the testing of our souls will last for eternity, always look for the word of Lord and the light in the dark room. The spirit of revelation lays beneath brokenness and hard times, so keep the faith and never stop running. No matter how bad things get on this earth and in our lives Jesus is still God therefore we win. Everything He does no matter how big or small is beautiful. I trust in the one who makes the invisible visible. Full of compassion, He took on our frame, leading us into the beauty of His name. Who is this King?
Jonathan, you are loved.
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